Day 99 to 101

Day 99

You know what I’d been missing at home while I was work? A constant stream of bill collectors calling, asking where the money is for (insert bill). Rose gives the mortgage folks the most attention; the house isn’t in foreclosure yet, but it’s close. Electric and water get paid first – that’s the power of being able to shut off the tap – but anyone with unsecured debt (like credit cards) is shit out of luck. They get angry Rose. Jan is strictly forbidden to speak to creditors. Now that I think about it, I’m not even sure he’s allowed to answer the phone when Rose isn’t home.

All day, I sit on the couch, looking for jobs on my laptop, wondering how long it will be before the bill collectors are calling me. I check my finances: there’s a little over $3,000 in my bank account. This is all that stands between me and the people 12 feet away.

Day 100

Third full day of joblessness.  Rose and Nathan’s live-in girlfriend both give me tips on what to say while filing a unemployment claim.  I am apparently surrounded by experts in joblessness.  I call the unemployment office and get a message that I will receive a call back within 15 minutes.  They call six hours later.  I repeat the words I have been taught: The position was redefined to accommodate a different skill set.  Translation: I’m reasonably sure my boss ran out of money, but was too cowardly to tell me.  I’m told to sit tight and watch the mail. 

While I wait, I search for jobs on my laptop.  Please imagine applying for job after job on faceless online job forms, flanked on either side by people who have been out of work for a collective 19 years while the phone rings nonstop with bill collectors.  This is my life.

Jesus Christ, this is not healthy. 

Susan mentions I may be eligible for food stamps.  I check my account: A check has cleared, I'm down to $2,300. I say I’ll consider it.

Day 101

With added quality time, I have come to the conclusion that Rose may also be insane, albeit in a quieter, gentler way.  We were watching a documentary about ships that went missing in the Bermuda triangle, when it is mentioned that the US government has no knowledge of an extraterrestrial force responsible for the disappearance of dozens of ships.  “That’s just crap!” Rose blurted out.  “You know they’re just covering it up!”

“You think the government’s responsible for the disappearances in the Bermuda Triangle?” I asked, not sure I’d heard her right.

 “They might not be doing it themselves, but they probably know what’s going on.” 

“Why would they cover it up?” I asked.

“Oh, what don’t they cover up?” Rose shot back, glued to the TV.

Later, the program addressed the possible causes of the disappearances in the region: methane bubbles from the seafloor, accidents, piracy, and finally… alien activity and cosmological phenomena.  Clinging to a straight face, I asked “So, do you think the ships are falling into an alternate dimension?”

Rose popped a chip into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully.  “Yeah, that or time travel.”

Next Time: A depressed Noah receives a poem.