Day 95 to 98

Day 95

Six weeks after moving to California, I returned to Chicago to pick up a few belongings.  On Saturday, I checked my email and noticed I’d received a message from my boss.  The email was long and rambling (at first I thought it was authored by Jan) and cited a vague list of offenses.  The point, however, was clear: For the second time in six weeks, I was being fired via email. 

Laptop still in hand, I rushed into the bathroom to tell Susan. 

Noah: (barging in) “You’re not going to believe this!”

Susan: Get the hell out of here!  I’m peeing!

Noah: I got fired!

Susan: (long pause) What?

Noah: I got fired!

Susan: (shorter pause) Are you sure?

Noah: No.  (checks laptop) Yes.

Susan: Are you shitting me?

Noah: No.  You’re now officially dating a bum.

Susan – still on the crapper – grabbed the laptop and read the message for a long, long time.  Finally she looked up and shook her head.  “Emails that includes the phrase ‘I’ve timed your lunch breaks’ rarely end well.”

Day 97

Return to San Jose.  On the flight, I decide to follow the path of least resistance: I will apologize – for what, I am not sure – then grovel for my job back.  Regardless of the outcome, I will be searching for a new job the next day.  What follows is both bizarre and yet strangely normal for McCompany: The boss claims he was tipped off by text message to a scheme to defraud the company.  Also, he mentioned with a straight face, he’d been timing my lunches from day one and couldn’t let things slide any longer.  I do not pass 'Go' and do not collect $200 as I head directly from shitty job to unemployment.  Walking out, I realized I’ve missed a golden opportunity for a no-consequences shit on the boss’ desk. 

The Ethiopian visibly tears up when I tell him this is my last day. “What shall we do?” he asks.

I shake his hand. “I’m afraid it’s not my problem anymore.” We bid each other farewell and, moments later, I am standing in the parking lot, staring at a beautiful California afternoon.

I go home and tell Rose and Jan what’s happened.  Jan suggested I sue the company and try to get Basil’s job.  Rose was only slightly more realistic, trying to suggest I was better off unemployed in a state with 12% unemployment.

Day 98

Hell is not having a middling university job pulled out from under your feet. Nor is it moving thousands of miles away from all your friends and family to an iffy job, spending most of your cash reserves in the process. Hell isn’t realizing the job you’ve staked your immediate future on is total shit, and it isn’t even hell when that pathetic job is snatched away by a crazy man. Hell is waking up the next morning and realizing that you have nowhere to go. For the foreseeable future, I will be spending 24/7 with Rose and Jan. 

Next Time: Heading for rock bottom, Noah begins learning things about Rose and Jan that disturb him even more, if that is possible.