Day 103 to 106

Day 103

My mother comes into town, pronounces me depressed.  Like my father, she’s also a psychologist.

I’ve begun spreading the word to friends and family that I’m out of work.  There is commiseration, but little shock.  Apparently everyone thought taking this job was a bad idea.  It’s like I broke up with a girl and now everyone can’t wait to tell me what a bitch she is.  Not sure if they’re trying to be nice or really feel that way.  At this point, I don’t give a shit. An ex-girlfriend sends me a large care package filled with homemade brownies. I immediately grab them and head to the couch for a depression binge. Rose joins me. We eat brownies.

Day 104

Everything is falling into a numbing routine.  The routine of the unemployed is neither interesting or particularly stimulating.  After breakfast, Rose waddles to her office nook, where she works, looks for jobs and sighs heavily.  Meanwhile, Jan would stumble off to the bedroom for his 10:30 AM depression nap.  This would last until Rose yelled at him to bring her a snack.  Lunch was promptly taken at noon.  Around three, Rose would call it a day and lumber into the living room for a little quality time with the television.  Her taste in shows was horrible: Rose watched old movies, Touched by an Angel, and Warehouse 13.The days of the week cease to matter. 

To stay sane, I adhere to a strict rule: I apply to at least five jobs a day, no matter how long it took to find them.  At first, I hunted locally.  After exhausting these opportunities, I expanded my scope, first to the entire state of California, then nationwide.  I was desperate to get away; I liked Rose and Jan, but they were monuments to what I would become if I didn’t get my ass back into the work force.  Rose and Jan were isolated and out of touch with reality from their extended isolation.

From time to time, Jason will knock on the door, then wait on the porch for hours until one of his parents opens the door to find out what he wants. He may not be dangerous, but he is clearly dying to get back into the house.  Yesterday, he rode his bike up and I watched as he deliberately flattened his tires before knocking and claiming he was stranded.  After another epic verbal brawl, it was decided that Jan would drive Jason to REI and buy him a new bike tire.  Another fight over the price of the tire followed, then a third fight as Jan called from the store. In the conflict, Rose generally sides with Jason’s need to be nurtured and supported.  Jan favors the tough love approach.  I bite my tongue before telling him that he would have died long ago if forced to fend for himself.

Day 106

My mother emails me a poem she's written, an epic narrative encapsulating the recent events. Why she is attempting to memorialize this oh-so-memorable experience, I know not. So far as I know, she has never before or since written a poem. That night I have a dream that I wake up and Jan is sitting by the bed, reading me the poem. So chilling is this dream that I suppress the memory of the poem ever having existed until I come across it accidentally over a year later.

Next Time: More bad news, Jan breaks the 10:30 AM barrier for drinking and a cash-strapped Noah goes to a sperm bank.

Bonus: The poem, unedited, in all its glory:

Untitled

Hot summer, packed the car with barely space for his wallet.

I drove through the peaceful sunflower fields of Kansas

Thinking of a new life, loaded with anticipation of success and new friends.

It will be so great, what a change!

A start-up company is what the interviewer said,

Stopping for the night in Boulder, he told his friend.

On through the salt flats of Utah, I heeded traffic and planned a new career

Another season of my life, he thought.

Reno on to Lake Tahoe

Hugh semi trucks sped past him down the cliff roads.

The drive was perilous,

Drive quickly and I'll arrive tonight, he sighed.

Through the silicone valley he silently pulled up to his new home.

Work isn't over, there's unpacking to be done.

Off to his new job tomorrow,

Where can I get a burrito tonight?  He wondered.

Excitedly he dove into work,

Fun to be part of something new, there's important work to be done,

And so many of my best ideas, carefully written into the grant.

Hope it's funded, my boss seems worried, he said.

The CEO, his boss, was a brilliant man, who would mentor and advise.

What's that, four scientists have left the company in such a short time?

There has to be some explanation.

A fluke, he hoped.

Unaware of scrutiny, he didn't sense disappointment ahead,

He boarded the plane eager to tell his friends and family of the new adventure.

The email on Saturday said, "You're terminated, pack up on Monday."

Some misunderstanding between us, he thought.

No explanations were accepted, nor sought, by his mentor and CEO.

Like a passenger emerging from a wreck with a contra coup blow to the head,

The young man shocked and dazed, gathered his things.

I can't believe this is happening, he said shaking his head.

Feeling lower than the proverbial worm eaten by the early bird,

He went over possible mistakes, errors in thinking.

Yes, I may have been a few minutes late, never was a clock watcher.

Poor communication here, had to be some mistake here, he deduced.

Coworkers, with tears in their eyes, bid him well.

You treated me with great consideration and friendship, his lab partner said.

Silently, they were all wondering if they could also find another job.

I will be okay, don't worry, he said doubting he could survive the blow.

Reflecting back, his mentor was wrong.

There was trust between them, I trusted.

I trusted to be treated fairly, respectfully, to be heard.

One sided trust hurts, he mused.

Uncomfortable, a bitter lesson learned.

Life can beat you down

If you allow it, even people you admire don't live up to expectations/assumptions.

Reminder to self:  Trust can't be given freely anymore.  It grows, is earned.

On his way out on that that unfortunate/memorable day, he passed someone new.

Is that, could that be, my replacement/a new employee?

Hmmm, hired in only two days, how could it be.

Poor guy, I wish him well.  I think I get it now, he smiled. 

Some psychologists say, listen carefully to what people say.

Accusations made are sometimes reflect the feelings of the speaker.

Oh, my boss has problems with trust.

Poor guy, I wish him well. I get it now, he nodded.