Day 75 to 76

Day 75

Susan is in town for a visit.  Jan wastes no time in demonstrating what a creepy dude he is.  Susan and I were getting ready for dinner when Jan, on one of his random house roaming sessions, decides to pay us a visit while Susan showered and I shaved. 

“Helloooo?  Is there someone in the bathroom?” Jan asked.  “Helllooooo?”

Susan turned off the shower and looked at me quizzically.  I shrugged as if to say ‘this is my life now.’  

Someone tried the knob.  We froze, partly in terror.

“Jan, shut the fuck up and get back here!” Rose yelled from down the hall. 

The knob-rattling ceased.  This was the last time Susan visited while I lived there.

Day 76

On the last day , I took her on a sightseeing trip to San Francisco.  During the trip, we paid a visit to Alamo Park in San Francisco, mainly to see the painted ladies, the row of houses made famous by the TV show "Full House." 

The park is at the top of an amazingly steep hill in the middle of the city.  We parked at the top of the hill, carefully turning the wheels into the curb in case the parking brake failed. Susan was inspecting a massive, badly-aligned SUV parked behind us when she made an amazing discovery. "Oh my God," she cried, "there's a baby in that car!"

So there was. A little kid of indeterminate age (let's say 0-3 years old) was sleeping in the backseat of the ill-parked car. I am no expert on child-rearing, but I am reasonably sure that this is somewhat unsafe. The only reason to leave your child in the car, I am quite sure, is to be in the act of delivering a pizza. We looked around for putative parents. People were everywhere, but none seemed to be keeping a particularly close eye on the SUV or its cargo.

Things got a little worse: The rear window was halfway down, probably an admirable attempt to prevent the child from overheating in the blustery, mid 60s desert that is San Fran. On the other hand, the open window made stealing the unguarded kid painfully easy. Who the hell would do this?

Naturally, Susan and I dropped everything and parked by the SUV, waiting to get a look at the owners of the SUV and/or kid. At some point it occurred to me that we would need proof that this actually happened. See below:

To pass the time, we debated who would come back to collect the kid. My theory was that the parents had been arrested. This may have been influenced by breakfast earlier that day when we’d unwittingly stumbled into a restaurant that was staffed entirely by recently-released convicted felons. Perhaps an outlaw couple had struck it rich and stolen back their kid. "No mother would do this," Susan stated flatly. It turned out we were both right. After about an hour, the parents came back to the car. To be sure, they hadn't been on a blanket a few feet away, but literally hiked back up the hills from the nearby antique district. This baby had two daddies:

Yup. Two dudes walked up, giggling and holding hands, got in the SUV, and drove off, leaving us all to ponder our views on gay marriage. As they peeled off, Susan said, "There's no way lesbians would do that."

Next Time: Jason expresses romantic feelings for Susan. Also: My father, a clinical psychologist, meets Rose and Jan and offers his diagnosis.