Day 131 to 137

Day 131

Jason calls Jan and starts talking. From what I hear, he (Jason… this time) is clearly under the influence of either drugs or mid-grade schizophrenia. Jan listens for a moment, tells Jason he can't understand what he's saying, and hands the phone to Rose. She talks to Jason for a minute before hanging up. "I didn't understand a fucking thing he said," Jan announced. "Jan!" cried Rose, "you be nice!!! All he wanted to say was how the wind today reminded him of how the gate by his room [now my room] used to creak. It made him miss his room, Jan! He also said we should call it Noah's Ark."

Day 132

Also, I have been monitoring the bathing situation around here. Jan takes a shower perhaps once a week. The family actually recognized this accomplishment on one occasion, with Jan accepting plaudits for bathing with good humor and a bit of pride.

Day 133

Bizarre interaction of the day:

Rose: Jan, what do we have to drink?

Jan: I can get you some Early Grey tea.

Rose: No, that stuff gives me rabies.


There's a book here.

Day 134

Jan has developed a sustained interest in herbs.  Rose cautioned him that he doesn't know what he's getting into, due to the unregulated nature of the industry.  After Jan’s recent comments on abortions via herb, it occurred to me that Jan might be looking to kill himself. 

Rose's cautions over the herb industry were suddenly derailed when she became distracted and scolded Jan over his failure to throw out the aging, sweaty, and holey sweat pants he's wearing.

Day 135

Jan may have congestive heart failure, an enlarged heart, be overmedicated, or have a wrist too large or fat to measure accurately.  Time will tell.  What Jan does have, without a doubt, is a rather large hole in the crotch of his sweatpants.

Not quite mental rape, but definitely a molestation.

Jan's pants, or lack thereof, stole the show. The big man's been sporting a pair of sweatpants with a hole the size of Rhode Island in the crotch. They provided the same coverage as a pair of assless chaps. If not for Jan's tighty whiteys, there would be significant danglage. Normally, I say to each his own, but today Jan opened the door to two of Rose's clients while wearing his "bare exposure" ensemble, treating the guests to a lovely tour of his twig and berries. This did not go over well for any of the involved parties. Rose - pardon the pun - tore Jan a new one. She threatened to divorce him if he didn’t change pants.  Jan's defense: he claimed he doesn't own another pair of pants.

Day 136

While discussing the non-profit agency Jan volunteers for, Rose battered away the last vestige’s of her husband’s dignity.  Jan was bragging about how much money the organization made for a non-profit organization.  He said they employed a bunch of people in paying jobs.  Then Rose got on him for not getting any of their money.  I believe the exact quote was "Janis Karklins is a non-profit corporation!!!"

Day 137

Finally, because no blog would be complete without it, here's the best unintentionally sexual exchange between Jan and Rose from the previous week:

Rose: Jan, could you bring me some coffee?

Jan: OK [does nothing for twenty minutes]

Rose: Jan, I need some coffee! You kept me up all. Night. Long! And I need some caffeine to get going again [emphasis hers].

Hopefully this was unintentional.

Next Time: Noah encourages Jan to participate in no-holds-barred fighting tournaments.